Break the Cycle of Doubt: Empowering Tips to Overcome Relationship OCD
Do you often wonder, “Am I being too much?” or “What if I’m the problem in this relationship?” If these thoughts sound familiar, you might be experiencing Relationship OCD (ROCD).
Welcome to the Bossing Up: Overcoming OCD podcast, where we tackle the challenges of obsessive-compulsive disorder head-on. I’m Erin Davis, an OCD therapist and relationship coach, here to guide you on your journey to confidence and clarity.
In today’s blog, we’ll explore what ROCD is, why it happens, and—most importantly—how to break free from its grip.
Understanding Relationship OCD
ROCD distorts how you perceive your relationships, leaving you trapped in overthinking cycles. Common intrusive thoughts might include:
“Am I too needy for my partner?”
“What if my feelings are overwhelming them?”
Here’s the truth: these thoughts are not reflective of your worth. You deserve love, connection, and fulfillment, just as you are.
Identifying the Root Cause
ROCD often stems from experiences earlier in life, particularly environments lacking emotional validation. When approval wasn’t freely given, you may have internalized the need to seek reassurance or overanalyze your worth in relationships.
This conditioning can feel automatic, eroding self-confidence over time. The good news? It’s possible to unlearn these behaviors and replace them with healthier, empowering patterns.
Breaking the Reassurance Cycle
Seeking reassurance from your partner might feel like a way to ease anxiety, but it often reinforces the cycle of insecurity. Instead of relying on external validation, focus on self-validation.
Here’s how:
Acknowledge Your Concerns:
Your feelings are valid and deserve attention, not shame.
Pause Before Seeking Reassurance:
Start by delaying the urge to ask for reassurance by a few minutes. Over time, extend this pause to build tolerance for discomfort.
Affirm Yourself:
Practice saying, “I am worthy of love and connection, even when I feel uncertain.”
Practical Steps to Embrace Confidence
Breaking free from obsessive thoughts takes intention and practice. Here are actionable steps to help you:
Notice Fear-Driven Behaviors:
Are you over-apologizing or seeking constant reassurance? Awareness is the first step in challenging these patterns.
Delay and Replace:
Gradually delay your reassurance-seeking urges and replace them with calming strategies like deep breathing or journaling.
Rely on Self-Affirmation:
Use personal affirmations to counter self-doubt. For example, “I am enough, and my feelings are valid.”
Creating Healthy Relationships
Your fears may tell you that you’re “too much,” but true relationships thrive on trust, vulnerability, and mutual support. Allow your partner to share the emotional load and support you, just as you support them.
Healthy relationships aren’t about perfection—they’re about honesty, openness, and showing up for each other.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Overcoming ROCD is a journey, but small, consistent steps can lead to profound change. Focus on:
Building self-awareness.
Breaking reassurance-seeking habits.
Practicing self-compassion every step of the way.
Need additional guidance? My Obsess Less, Love More program is designed to support individuals like you in breaking free from doubt and fostering confidence in relationships.
You’re not “too much.” You’re human. With the right tools and support, you can navigate ROCD and create fulfilling, secure relationships.
Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where I’ll be chatting with Trish Blackwell of The Confidence Podcast. Together, we’ll explore more tools for building self-assurance and living a confident, love-filled life.
Take care, and talk soon!
