Is self-care important?
Feeling guilty about self-care is common.
But taking care of yourself is not selfish.
It's actually necessary in order to be able to take care of others effectively. And it's okay to prioritize your own needs. So how can you overcome this guilt and practice self-care guilt-free? Here are a few tips:
Change your mindset: Instead of viewing self-care as selfish, reframe it as necessary for your overall well-being. Self-care can help you fully show up for others, making you more helpful and effective.
Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your loved ones and communicate your needs openly. Let them know that you need time for yourself in order to recharge and be the best caregiver or family member you can be.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself without guilt. Remember that you deserve to prioritize your own needs and happiness.
Start small: You don't have to dedicate hours to self-care every day. Even taking a few minutes to relax, meditate, or engage in a hobby can make a big difference.
Seek support: Talk to a friend, therapist, or support group about your feelings of guilt. You may find that others can relate and offer valuable advice.
Remember that self-care is not a luxury, it's a necessity. By taking care of yourself, you're better able to care for others and lead a more fulfilling life. So go ahead, schedule that massage, take that bubble bath, or spend some time doing something you love guilt-free. You deserve it.
Self-care is essential, but often we feel guilt or hesitation about taking time for ourselves. It's important to challenge those beliefs and ask yourself if it's better to prioritize your self-care or stay stuck in negative feelings.
A therapist can help reframe these thoughts and support you in setting boundaries. By being kind to yourself and practicing healthy self-talk, you can prioritize your needs and feel better about taking care of yourself.
Self-Care Part 1 Transcript:
[00:00:00]
We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.
Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to N O C D dot com to get evidence based treatment.
Is self care important? Why is self care important? And how come when I do self care, I feel guilty? So these are all the questions that we're going to be talking about and more in today's episode of bossing up overcoming OCD
Hi, I'm Erin, Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and OCD Specialist. I'm also a [00:01:00] Christian, wife, mom to three, and small business owner, helping those who are overwhelmed by stress to climb out of that valley and enjoy the view. Reheat your coffee and pop in your AirPods to learn how to boss up to OCD.
Thank you for coming back to another episode Where today we're going to be reviewing all the things self care and with self care Sometimes it can get complicated for people. Obviously we love to enjoy in those self indulgent moments where we're like getting that massage, we're getting that manicure, pedicure or going to get our hair done, whatever that looks like for you.
We're going to be debunking a lot of those myths about self care and giving you the download on some free tips and ideas on how to get your self care done.
And in all the times that you've heard about self care, it may come to mind that you have [00:02:00] to spend a lot of money, or you've got to make this date with yourself to put it on the calendar or make it very time intensive. And you don't have to do all that.
And so let's talk for a second about why self care is important.
Self care is important, because if you're not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of others? If you're listening, you're probably someone who's very kind, considerate, thoughtful, compassionate, and would do anything for anybody. All they have to do is ask. And sometimes you're saying yes to too many things.
You're feeling overextended and you don't know how to say no.
So just like a car, you have to give it regular maintenance. You've got to stop and put gas in it. You've got to vacuum it. You've got to wash it. That way it can run smoothly. It can [00:03:00] also feel pleasant when you're going for a ride and running errands.
And so we too need to do that self care so that we can feel replenished. We can feel fresh. We can recharge our batteries. And we can bring on that sense of resilience that we need in order to take care of all the things in our busy lives.
And let me ask you for a second, what do you think happens if you don't get self care?
Do you think it's that all of these problems will take care of themselves or you're just living for the weekend or you're just going to wait it out until this problem solves itself and then it'll all be fine? How many times have we told ourselves that story where it's like, Oh, let me just do this volunteer thing. And then I'll find a way to step out. I'll find a way to step away or someone else will take my place.
And then how many times do we stay stuck in that [00:04:00] space?
And have you heard of the metaphor? Whenever you're on an airplane and the oxygen mask drop, you have to be putting on your mask first so that you can help others. And that's essentially what self care is about. You have to give yourself oxygen, breathe life into your soul before you can be of help to others.
And that's why self care is so important because if you're not taking care of yourself, you ultimately cannot take good care of others. Now you may be showing up or doing the things you need to do, but you're burnt out.
So let's talk about burnout for a second.
Burnout is when you're feeling so exhausted. Like you're exhausted at the idea of even going to the grocery store or exhausted in the idea of putting clothes in the laundry or just even waking up and you're like, oh my goodness I've got [00:05:00] 20 things on my to do list today. I just can't even get out of bed.
And sometimes burnout can resemble depression,
but typically burnout comes from a prolonged state of stress where you feel emotionally, physically, mentally, and maybe even spiritually exhausted. It often comes from a place of us overworking ourselves, maybe in our job or workplace, or being a caregiver, whether you're a parent or a therapist. a child caretaker of a parent.
Man, burnout is real. And by the time you're burnt out, it's like too late. Too late in the sense of holding back from your anger outburst. Too late from drinking too much. It's too late from overindulging in video games or some type of escapism.
And the people around you notice, they notice that you're bitter, that you're not running at the same speed that you normally [00:06:00] do. And you're doing so much for everyone that it's no one is paying attention. No,
and when you're burnt out, it can feel like you're doing or have done so much for so many people for so long that you can't even remember who you are.
And oftentimes with the burnout, it can lead to that chronic fatigue, meaning like you're, very tired, really low energy. It could also lead to you being less productive. So maybe you normally go get a workout in or you can handle five things on your to do list. But when you're burnt out, Man, it's tough to even get one thing done or even think about getting one thing done.
You could find yourself being very cynical or detached, indifferent or apathetic I don't care, on a different level, right?
And also with burnout, you can feel [00:07:00] like you're under accomplished, like you have a sense of
pride in your life where it's a healthy form of yeah, I'm confident I can do things. I can accomplish things. But whenever you're burnt out, you feel ineffective or inefficient. Feels like you're never good enough. Never going to get it done. And it's almost like a self loathing state of mind.
Not only can burnout come from overworking yourself, but it can also come from a lack of control in your environment. You can't help that your parents are aging, or you can't help that your child has a chronic illness. You can't help that your coworker left their job. And so now you have to pick up the slack.
And then on top of that, burnout can come when people step back. over and stomp on your boundaries. Or maybe you're someone that doesn't know how to set boundaries. That might be a whole nother episode or series of episodes for another [00:08:00] time,
because when we have boundaries or when we have expectations, we're trying to align our environment with our personal values. And when things aren't happening in the way that we value or things are, Situations are happening that don't match our expectations. It can be very discouraging. And when you continue to add one discouraging thing on top of the other, it can feel very defeating.
And so if you're not addressing burnout by getting your self care or setting those boundaries or, Getting the help you need, burnout can lead to serious consequences.
And those serious consequences don't just affect you, but they can affect everyone in your circle in your life because you are important. You are important to yourself. You're important to your loved ones. You're important to your friends. You're important to the world you live in.
And so some of those serious [00:09:00] consequences may look like having a heart attack, Health complications, like maybe you develop an autoimmune disorder because you're so stressed out beyond belief and burnt out that your immune system is going haywire. It could be a serious consequence with your mental health because maybe this burnout then turns into depression and, Major depressive disorder is considered a disability in some cases.
Other serious consequences could be losing your relationships. Like maybe your significant other is not going to hang around, or maybe you're going to make some choices that jeopardize your relationship. And then the other, maybe more obvious serious consequence here for burnout is losing your job because.
When you are burnt out,
there's less room for logical thinking. There's less room for giving a care in the world. And so you're going to make mistakes and you're going to compromise your values because maybe you're trying to make shortcuts or you're trying to make yourself [00:10:00] happy in all the wrong ways.
And so burnout is a very serious thing to address and you can also be proactive in helping yourself not get to a place of burnout or at least recognize the signs of burnout early on so that you can address it, be ahead of the game and not suffer from these consequences.
In speaking of burnout, one of the Bible verses that comes to mind for me is Matthew, chapter 11, verses 28 to 30, which says, Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am meek and humble of heart, and you will find rest for yourselves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
And the verse says, Then Jesus said, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
And there's another verse from [00:11:00] Jeremiah 31 25 that says, I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.
And one last one here of From Psalm 55, 22, that says, cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you. He will never let the righteous be shaken.
And while you may feel shaken, weary, tired, and faint, know that the Lord is on your side. And there are other people who are on your side as well. And let's not forget, Your own power. You have the power to make changes. And I know that sometimes it can feel very lonely. It can feel hard. It can feel like an uphill battle, but you've got this.
Now you may be that person who's yeah, I got it. I would love to do some self care. And sometimes I do a little bit of that. When I do my self care, I feel guilty. All right. [00:12:00] And that may be because you're having to step away from a responsibility or an obligation or a role that you play in your family dynamics that you don't normally do.
We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting, intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.
If you think you may be struggling with Relationship OCD, there's hope. NoCD offers effective, affordable, and convenient OCD therapy. NoCD therapists are trained in Exposure Response Prevention Therapy, the gold standard treatment for OCD. With NoCD, you can do virtual Live face to face video sessions with one of their licensed specialty [00:13:00] trained therapists.
It's affordable and they accept most major insurance plans. Breaking the relationship OCD cycle takes effective treatment. To get started with NoCD, go to nocd. com slash savage.
Okay. So let's use the example. That you're a caregiver, alright? And the person you take care of, whether it's an adult or a child, let's say you're fully involved in being their caretaker.
You may feel guilty because of some internal beliefs that you're doing something wrong if you're not being quote unquote the best mom in the world, or the best daughter in the world, or the best person in the world. Because you have built up this belief, and it may be based on guilt in and of itself, that, oh, a good mom would go to the moon and back for their kid,
or a good daughter would make sure that their mother is fully [00:14:00] comfortable.
You may also be feeling guilty because you worry about how your loved ones are going to judge you if you're doing some self care. If you're taking time for yourself, you may worry that they're going to think something like, Oh, she is so selfish or she is too conceited to care about other people. Or a fear of judgment that they're going to think that you're lazy.
So putting your feet up on the couch and reading a book. isn't lazy.
And again, when you are a selfless, caring person, it's very natural for you to put others first and especially to put your, the people you love above yourself. That's a very humble, sweet and endearing and natural thing to do.
Yet at what point Have you tipped the balance? And at that point that you have tipped the balance and your energy is [00:15:00] overly focused on everyone else being comfortable except you,
that's when we start to have problems. That's when we start to have burnout. That's when we start to have bitterness. And are you really your best self whenever you're angry, bitter, and burnt out? No, of course not.
And so perhaps you may need to challenge those beliefs and that guilt that you're feeling by asking yourself, is this reasonable? Is it better for you to do your self care and take a break? Or to stay in the thick of it and be angry, bitter, and resentful. Your choice.
Oftentimes, when you're overcoming these feelings of guilt in doing your self care, a therapist can absolutely help you in reframing, restructuring, redirecting these thoughts
so that you can say no to others with confidence and with ease. And you can [00:16:00] also get better at setting boundaries
and you can feel better about being seen and loved. Being heard and prioritizing your needs
just as you are kind to others, be kind to yourself. And in fact, just having healthy self talk is an act of kindness and self care to yourself. And so let's talk about some easy, and or free self care ideas. And throughout this part of the episode, I want you to think about starting at least one new self care idea for this week or for this weekend.
Now I want you to give it three minutes. a try, even for five minutes.
All right, so for that list of free or low cost activities that you can do, you can start with going on a walk. By taking a leisurely [00:17:00] walk, you are getting those endorphins going, you're getting fresh air, and you also have that opportunity to see all the beautiful things around you. Another idea is you can do deep breathing.
By practicing deep breathing, you can relax your mind. And reduce your stress, which leads me into the mindfulness meditations, where you're finding a quiet spot where you can practice mindfulness and staying present. in the here and now and really focus on redirecting your thoughts to the here and now.
You can also create a little mini spa at home. You've probably got all those things that you've collected right over Christmas and birthdays and Mother's Day, Valentine's, you get those bath bombs and it's Oh, when am I going to have time to use this? Or you get those shampoos or perfumes or Body scrubs, right?
We all get those gift packs, right? And it's yeah, I'll use this [00:18:00] on a rainy day that never comes. Yeah. Now is the time. Have that home spa day where you're going to do a face mask. You're going to pamper yourself. You're going to use that body scrub. And you know what? Play some music while you're having that spa day.
Whenever you have that Echo Dot at home, I'm not even going to say her name out loud. And it starts with an A and ends with an A. If I say it out loud, she's going to start talking to me. But you can ask her to play spa sounds. It's wonderful. It sounds like you're at a spa. I love it.
You can also try stretching. You don't have to be a yoga master, but if you do love yoga, you can give yoga a try. You can do yoga on the Peloton app as well. And I'm going to give you guys a link to my Peloton affiliate so you can get 100 off some equipment if you are interested in Peloton. But doing some stretching is really good for your muscles [00:19:00] and can help release the tension that you're holding onto in your body.
And if you sign up for Peloton you're gonna have some yoga classes all, hundreds of them for you all the way from beginner to expert. Even stretching classes. And those stretching classes are really nice to do in the evenings. Thanks.
Another fun thing might be just to do a little dance. You might be giggling and be like, yeah, now, hear me out and allow yourself to dance in your room with nobody watching and see how you feel after you put on your favorite jams.
The other thing you may want to do is something that you've probably put off for a very long time, which is like drawing, painting,
or playing music. I'm sure when you were growing up, you did a lot of these things. things with coloring and doodling and maybe playing the piano. Remember how much joy that brought you. [00:20:00] Revisit that.
Next you could go to your local library or probably in fact you've got 20 books on your bookshelf that you've been looking forward to reading and you just haven't gotten around to it. So pull one off the shelf, whether it's fiction or non fiction or a self help book or whatever. Just dive into a book that's like an easy read.
And it doesn't feel like work.
Another thing which is a huge act of self care and is very hard for most is taking a digital detox. Now some of you may go on vacation and go off into the campgrounds or somewhere like off the map to try to get this digital detox and I so envy that. Man, those times when you go on vacation and you just leave your phone behind or you leave it in your pocket most of the time and you're just enjoying the scenery, or even at home, like you just unplug for a while.
It feels uncomfortable at first, [00:21:00] but it can be so rejuvenating to take a break. from the phones. Maybe you need to set some boundaries on your emails, or on the phone calls, or the work texts, or whatever is happening that pulls you away from your personal time. where you get rejuvenated,
this would be a good thing to practice, is getting that digital detox.
Next, you might be considering cooking or baking, like trying a new recipe. A lot of people find joy in cooking something that's nice and pleasant and wonderful, your loved ones enjoy, and something new, right? It's always fun to try something new. So maybe you're wanting to make some strawberry cupcakes or
an Oreo cream pie, or let me say a gluten free Oreo cream pie. Whatever that may be, make it fun and maybe even involve some of your loved ones to help you in making this new recipe. The [00:22:00] other thing is getting connected with your friends. Hey, text them, reach out. You can even say, I know it's been a while, but what are you doing this weekend?
Do you want to go for coffee? Do you want to go for a walk?
Another idea here is maybe you want to intentionally set aside some time to watch the sunrise or the sunset. Wouldn't that be lovely? Just to really take in the beauty of nature. Like that eclipse we had the other week. Wasn't that incredible? I hope you were able to watch it. I got some special glasses off Amazon, and it was so cool seeing that eclipse.
I feel like that's the first time in my lifetime I've witnessed the eclipse, and I know it happens every seven years, but anyway, you just got to be intentional about doing these things or else it's over. Those opportunities pass you by before you can even blink.
Alright, here's another creative idea. Whenever [00:23:00] you're having dinner tonight, we're in the spring season, maybe instead of eating at the dinner table, or probably what's happening is so many Americans are having individual meals in front of the TV. How about you bring the meal to one central table and have an outdoor picnic.
Bring it outside. Bring the party outside. So get everybody outside. Everyone eat together and see what happens. And if you don't know what to talk about, I've got a conversation starter on my website. It's right on the homepage.
So if you scroll down on my website and it's
an image that it's an image that talks about let me just pull it up, actually, so then I'm not just guessing. I can tell you for 100 percent certainty what this looks like.
Okay, so if you scroll down on my homepage on my website, which is valuedriventherapy. com, I've got a conversation starter that you [00:24:00] will receive. If you fill out the little mini form that has an image and it says, the number one question I get asked about is, and it's asking, are you wondering what to say to help your kid with their OCD?
Or are you the teen and aren't sure how to ask your parents for therapy? So it's got some conversation starters in there. Feel free to mix it up, change up what the topic of the conversation is about, and allow that to Be your guide to getting the conversations going.
And now the last idea I will leave you with is writing a gratitude list. I want you to take the time to jot down like five things that you're grateful for. You can do this on an everyday basis. What's also nice is if you've got kids is that you can all write down something that you're grateful for and keep adding those things and tear it out and put it on a little piece of paper, put it in a jar.
And one day when you're feeling really low, pull [00:25:00] out. One of those pieces of paper and read it and your heart will feel so bright and so happy and so light in reading those things that maybe you wrote down that you're grateful for, or your kids are grateful for, or your spouse.
We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.
Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to N O C D dot com to get evidence based treatment.
So I hope this episode was encouraging to you and you're leaving today's episode knowing I love you. Why self care is [00:26:00] important.
You have some examples of self care and you feel ready to try at least one new idea for your self care.
And I'm going to put my Peloton affiliate link in the show notes. So then if you're interested in doing some of the yoga workouts or Riding the bike, listening to music, all of those things are wrapped up into one thing on the Peloton app. You'll get a 100 discount on your Peloton equipment with my link.
I appreciate you listening in today. Come back next week where I'm going to be talking about mindfulness, and I'm going to be explaining what mindfulness is, why mindfulness is important, and how mindfulness can be helpful.
Alright, I hope you have a great Friday and have an awesome weekend.
Thank you for listening to another episode of Bossing Up Overcoming OCD. This information is intended to be helpful and not a substitute for professional counseling. If you're struggling with any mental health [00:27:00] challenges, I encourage you to seek help from a qualified therapist or health care professional.
If you enjoyed today's episode, please take a moment to rate and review the show. Your feedback helps us reach more listeners and don't forget to check out the affiliate links in the show notes for free. For hand picked recommendations that can brighten your day. Your support through these links helps keep the show running and provide valuable content.
You're not alone in your journey. Stay strong, stay resilient, and keep bossing up. See you next time.
