Overcoming Agoraphobia: Conquering Fear of Going Outside
This episode explores the topic of agoraphobia, a phobia characterized by the fear of leaving home or being trapped in inescapable situations. It addresses how such fears can manifest in teenagers, especially following traumatic events like school shootings.
I highlight the overlap between OCD and agoraphobia, and how therapy, particularly virtual therapy, can help manage these fears by building resilience, fostering positive thinking, and utilizing exposure and response prevention strategies. The goal is to empower kids to take proactive steps towards a fulfilling life, free from the constraints of fear. It encourages parents to trust their instincts and seek professional support if their child shows signs of avoidance or anxiety.
00:00 Introduction to Agoraphobia
02:43 Understanding Agoraphobia and Its Triggers
04:39 The Overlap Between OCD and Agoraphobia
06:57 Signs Your Child Needs Help
09:06 Effective Therapy Approaches
13:03 Empowering Your Child to Overcome Fear
20:16 Next Steps
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[00:00:00]
Erin: Welcome to this episode about agoraphobia. You may be wondering, what is agoraphobia? And let me tell you, so it is the situation where you are afraid to leave your home or you're afraid to get in a position where you can't escape. Sound familiar? Well, in today's episode, I'm going to be talking about this phobia.And how you can get help,
[00:01:00] and how agoraphobia is manageable. And at the time that I'm recording this episode, it's the week of the Atlanta school shooting, and my heart goes out to those teenagers, the teachers, the staff, the families, everyone who is impacted by that tragic event. Cruel people in the world like that is what leads to fear. And, you know, in some ways, I don't blame you for feeling afraid to go to school or go somewhere because awful things do happen. And so if you're struggling to leave your home or every time you hear something in the news like this and it triggers your fear and you just feel frozen and stuck or actually if it's your kid that doesn't want to go to school or doesn't want to leave the house or is afraid to go somewhere in the car. You name it. Hang around and listen to the full episode to hear the strategies on how agoraphobia can be managed.
Because in today's episode I'm going to share how I've helped other teenagers overcome their agoraphobia and most importantly how your child can be themselves again.
so agoraphobia refers to the fear of being in a situation where things may go wrong.
Erin: And with the teenagers and adolescents I've treated, a lot of them feel responsible for their own, like, social image. They feel responsible if they're not making friends or if they're not getting a good [00:03:00] grade. I've come across kids who feel afraid to go to school because of the fear of getting sick. There's perfectionism that can show up for someone who's struggling with agoraphobia. And then after traumatic events like the Atlanta school shooting, kids feel hyper alert to the things happening around them and can feel ultra afraid in going to school. And I think we've all been there where we've been in a situation where it feels like something bad is going to happen or we've been in a situation where there is bad news circulating or the school has to go on lockdown. I remember a time in college when someone brought a gun on campus and the whole university went into lockdown and I thought, Oh, my gosh, I wish I had not come to class today. And thankfully.
[00:04:00] No one got hurt, the police handled it, but it was very alarming to feel like there was a lethal weapon within range of our classroom. So it's a very sinking feeling and it feels like It's very real and it's hard to escape that mindset, especially when you're triggered by some events like this in the news. If you're someone who has OCD or if you're curious, if your kid has OCD, it may sound familiar. to hear that OCD and agoraphobia can overlap. Because when you have obsessive compulsive disorder, it can be very exhausting. And exhausting in so many ways. So, think about it this way. OCD is calling the shots. It's telling you what to do, how to do it, and how many times to do it. And there's so many rules with OCD. And so, It leaves the person feeling so tired and helpless. You don't want to go out into the world because you don't know what's right around the corner.
[00:05:00] Like as far as what your OCD is going to tell you to do. It can feel exhausting just to even get out of bed because you know that as soon as your feet hit the floor, you're going to have to start over. doing rituals just to even get ready for the day. And if you're already feeling this way in your own home, it's easy to feel tricked by the OCD that it's only going to get worse if you leave. And if you go out and do things for yourself, OCD is going to give you lies and keep you stuck. Frozen by fear and thinking that something bad is going to happen or you may Experience some thoughts that you think are of God telling you to stay home and so all in all your OCD has tricked you into staying home and you are reluctant to leave and, you may have heard me say this before, where the more you avoid, the more anxious you're going to become.
[00:06:00] So the more that your kid avoids going to school, or avoids going out with friends, or avoids getting out of bed, the more anxious they are going to feel. And so as a parent, it may feel very helpless in trying to get your kid To do things that you know are healthy for them, yet you see them struggle, and you just don't know what to do.
[00:07:00] So let's talk about how agoraphobia is treated. So first of all, a lot of kids may even feel reluctant and hesitant, leave home to go for a therapy session. So the good news is, That virtual therapy is just as effective as in person therapy. So we could totally start with a virtual appointment so that your kid can get the care that they need and start their wellness journey from the comfort of their home. And we want home to feel comfortable. We want home to feel like a safe home base. And let me also back it up too and acknowledge, like, what if you're in that position of your child doesn't want to leave home, how do you know, like, when to get help? How do you know when they need therapy? Because, honestly, you may have your own trust issues or maybe you've tried therapy before and it didn't work. Well, I'm here to tell you the type of therapy that I offer helps kids get back to their old selves or the self that they were before the OCD or agoraphobia took over. Okay.
So the signs that you know that your kid needs that extra support is when number one, you feel like you need an ally. When you need a resource, you need an expert to guide you. All right. And number two sign, when you know that your kid needs help is when you need They are isolating in their room [00:08:00] more, like they're by themselves more often., they may have used to enjoy going to school. They may have used to enjoy going out with friends or being a part of a sports team, but now they don't want to do any of that.
Number three, you may hear them say, I'm afraid something bad is going to happen without any actual evidence. And speaking of evidence, you may even give your child information, but they still don't believe it. Right. So that would be their obstacle. Obsessional doubt. So getting back treated, just like , With any therapy client, I will help your kid feel safe and comfortable and feel open. Here's the other thing. [00:09:00 If you're not located in North Carolina or Virginia and you can't work with me, when you're trying to find the therapist who's the right fit, have your kid be a part of the conversation in that consult because it's going to be very important for them to have a conversation with you. A good rapport with the therapist, the therapeutic relationship is the most powerful part of any relationship. treatment because your kid also needs to believe that their therapist can help them feel better, that their therapist can give them the strategies to feel differently.
After we have developed the rapport and we're in the work together, your kid will feel like Their concerns are heard and that their concerns are not completely ridiculous. Yeah, because as you know, adolescents and teens, they're very much about appearance and they get very self conscious and they don't like at all to be embarrassed. So I definitely like to keep the conversations going. [00:10:00] Light, and humorous, and encouraging, while also giving them the tips and the tools they need to move forward in their fears. So, And some of the conversations we'll have, we'll talk about how they can mindfully be in the moment, and we'll get into the five senses. We will do mindfulness exercises to help them get into the here and now. We might do some attention training exercises to help them start to work those mental muscles, if you will, on where they want to put their focus and attention.
I will help them see the difference between what is their real actual voice versus the voice of fear. And it's that voice that is keeping them stuck and feeding into their fear. [00:11:00]And we may talk about Those things that would motivate them to go out, to have fun, to live their life. Because no one wants to stay cooped up inside. We all learned that from the pandemic. Now, if you're an introvert and you love the pandemic as far as staying inside, different story. But I think, seriously, at some point or another, you desired connection.
You desired to be with other people. Even if that was just your immediate family. [00:12:00] So, anyhow, being human, we are wired for connection. We are social creatures, overall, your kid and I are going to look at how we can change their thought patterns around the outside world. Around going places and all along. I will be reminding them of their motivations as to why they want to change Because when times get hard and y'all know this like it can be easy to give up It can be easy to give in it can be easy to stay home, but we're not about doing what's [00:13:00] easy We're about doing what gives you life giving We're about doing things that give you purpose and bring you joy and give you fulfillment and helps your kid be a kid. So once we've established their motivations and their goals, and they've started to change the way they think, about these situations, we may also build in that positive self-talk of what's that mantra? What am I going to say to myself to get me through those difficult moments? All right, because this is not going to be mommy and daddy pushing them through the school door. No, this is going to be the kid walking on their own two feet into school or going to their friend's house or going to church, whatever it is or wherever it is that they need to get back involved, maybe going back out on the field for their sports team. They need to do this for themselves because [00:14:00] mom and dad, there's only so much you can do for your kids. And I totally get that you're trying to help, but we need to empower them to make these steps on their own.
So what I'm saying is even if you quote unquote force them to go to the Ball practice. Is that really teaching them how to deal with their fear? No, that's only teaching them that I have to do what mom and dad tell me to do, or I didn't have a choice in where I spent my afternoon. It's a very different mindset shift when they see that they are the ones choosing to go to ball practice. They are the ones choosing to change how they feel about themselves. about the situation. So for example, let's say your kid doesn't want to go to softball practice. They are a fit to be tied if you even talk about softball practice and you're [00:15:00] telling them like, you made a commitment, you've signed up, we're going to do this.
And I totally honor and respect where you're coming from and trying to hold your kids accountable. So, this is where I come in and I help coach you in encouraging your child that they can handle these tough feelings. They can handle the anxiety. They can handle the uncertainty. Because, yeah, nothing in life is guaranteed. But what is guaranteed, that if you don't go out and do something, you'll get nothing in return. That's why. So imagine your kid is able to go to their softball practice because they have had that mindset shift of instead of something bad happening, I can go have fun with my friends. I can have fun with my teammates. I'm just going to go out, have a good time. And whatever happens as far as my performance or whatever, it is what it is because I would much rather spend time with my [00:16:00] friends than to stay home alone and in fear.
That brings me into the points about exposure and response prevention, or ERP. So we'll talk about the small steps that your kid can do to get back to ball practice. And we're going to talk about how you can give them validation, like acknowledging that they are having a hard time, or you see how much they are trying to push through their nervousness. Or acknowledging that this is not easy for them.
So you give them the validation, and then you're also coaching them that they can do it. They can overcome their anxiety. or like you have the confidence that they don't have to give in to their fear. You have the confidence in them that they can do hard things, that they can be brave, even if they're scared, they will push through and go for their dreams anyway.
All right, and according to one study in the National Institute of Mental Health, it [00:17:00] shared that an estimated 2. 4 percent of adolescents have experienced agoraphobia at some point in time with severe impairment. so that figure from the study is for U. S. adolescents, which equals 1,008,000 adolescents. Wow. That's way more kids than I expected. You know, you hear a 2. 4%, but when you put it in actual numbers, like Over a million kids have had agoraphobia at some point in their lives and most of them have had severe impairment Meaning they don't want to go out. They don't want to be with their friends And I got it like all the virtual stuff going on these days It's easy to not get out, but you as a parent, you know the difference when Your child is actively avoiding something or there's been a big drastic change in their [00:18:00] behavior. And the mom instincts are normally very spot on. So trust your instincts.
And again, while seeing agoraphobia in your kid can feel overwhelming, it is treatable. And in the example of, The kids that I've treated, they are experiencing things like going to ball practice and having fun. They are going to school and saying, Today is going to be a good day. They are going out to places and instead of saying, Oh no, something bad is going to happen. They're saying to themselves, I wonder how much fun I'm going to have. Right? So it's a completely different perspective where the fear is flipped upside down and where your kid is going into life and into situations with curiosity, fun, and [00:19:00] positivity.
Erin: So let me recap the takeaways from the discussion today. So agoraphobia is manageable and agoraphobia is that phobia. It's that fear that whenever you leave the house, you may find yourself in situations that you can't get out of. You may find yourself in a situation where something bad is going to happen. And, inevitably, because of that fear, you end up [00:20:00] staying home. You're afraid to leave your house. You may even be afraid to get in a car. You may be afraid to get in an airplane, or a train, or, you know, bus. All in all, agoraphobia keeps you stuck and afraid at home. And for some teens, OCD makes agoraphobia more challenging, yet therapy can still be highly effective in helping your kids overcome these fears. In the kids that I've worked with, we are in therapy between 6 to 8 appointments, y'all. For those that are Like, fresh in their fear, we can turn it around so quick. And kids are super resilient. Never doubt your kid's resiliency. It's amazing. Amazing. So, and the therapy I offer works. I'm using cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure response [00:21:00] prevention, and motivating them to break free from the cycle of fear and avoidance.
So with patience and support. Your kid can enjoy life again, like going to school, spending time with their friends, and feeling confident in themselves whenever they leave the house. They are feeling safe and secure, and they're listening to the voice of reason. They're listening to the voice of optimism. So, if you've noticed that your kid is avoiding school or they're becoming more withdrawn, I can help.
Visit my website at ValueDrivenTherapy. com to book your free 15 minute consultation. If your kid is not so much of a kid anymore and they are over the age of 18, I encourage you to have them book their free consultation because They need to make these steps for themselves, and this [00:22:00] start that motion of them making the changes that they need. So you can tell them where to go. You can pull up the website for them, but they ultimately need to make that choice and that decision of, yes, I want to live a life where. I'm living on my own terms. Your kid doesn't have to live a life where they're limited by their fears and with the right tools, strategies, therapy, and support, they can regain their confidence and live a fulfilling life. Life. I appreciate you listening. I hope you guys are enjoying your October and are having a lot of fun with the fall decorations. I can't wait for Halloween. So come back next week where I'm going to be talking about the science behind fear. All right. See ya. [00:23:00]
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