Can the Honeymoon Phase End? Coping with Fear of Losing the ‘Honeymoon Phase’
In this episode, I dive into how the honeymoon phase of relationships can cause significant worry for OCD sufferers, particularly those fretting about falling out of love or changing dynamics over time. We break down why it's normal for the initial dopamine highs to fade and how to transform that fear of change into excitement for the future.
You'll learn that the true strength of a relationship isn't measured by an endless honeymoon phase but by consistent, loving actions even when the sparks aren't flying. Stay tuned as we explore actionable strategies, including mindset shifts, embracing curiosity, and fostering deep connections through shared hobbies and conscious effort. And hey, don't forget to check out my Obsessed Less, Love More program to cultivate confidence and clarity in your relationship.
00:00 Understanding the Honeymoon Phase
01:36 The Dopamine Effect
02:41 Coping with Relationship OCD
03:02 Realistic Expectations of the Honeymoon Phase
06:08 Embracing Change in Relationships
08:52 Strategies for Maintaining Connection
14:36 Summary and Final Thoughts
17:01 Upcoming Topics and Program Launch
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[00:00:00] Okay, let's talk about the honeymoon phase and how a lot of OCD sufferers worry
a lot. And I mean a lot about falling out of love, their relationship going sideways.
And it can be very hard to commit to a long term relationship when you're struggling with OCD, especially the relationship OCD. And if your theme is completely focused on this honeymoon phase. And we've all been there at some point or another where the honeymoon phase is that exciting point at the beginning of your relationship or when your relationship has transitioned to a new situation like you've obviously got married and are now living together Like just a brand new phase and transition In your relationship.
[00:01:00] So in the beginning, it's like really exciting and there's a lot of dopamine highs, there's a lot of attention being given to one another, and it almost feels like you're high, like you're high on love. There's the logical side of you that knows that not everyone's perfect, not every relationship is perfect, but this one feels amazing. And you want your relationship to continue to feel amazing. And you know what? I don't blame you because this honeymoon phase is pretty addicting or it can feel pretty addicting. So essentially your brain is flooded with dopamine, which is that brain chemical that helps with reward, motivation, et cetera. Now, as it happens with just about everything, our brain adjusts and adapts, and we can't stay in that heightened state of. The honeymoon phase for
forever.
[00:02:00] We won't yet OCD sufferers or you know, maybe you haven't even been diagnosed with OCD, but you've found yourself really desiring to want to stay in this honeymoon phase. Like you feel like something is wrong in your relationship if you're not feeling on top of the world every single day together. And so the fear could come in the form of What if we fall out of love? What if we fall out of sexual attraction? Or even just the mere fact of like, what if they change? Like they're not going to be the same person in 10 to 20 years from now. So let's start to talk about how you can cope with that. Because especially moving in to the new year in 2025, you're going to You guys may have already gotten an engagement ring over Christmas. So 2025 might be the year that you get married.
00:03:00] And this honeymoon phase is a big deal. Realistically, the honeymoon phase, in my opinion, lasts for maybe a couple of weeks, maybe months. I find it hard to believe that someone could stay in That level of a honeymoon phase for years, you know what I'm saying? Like that just feels like a Hollywood kind of portrayal and normally things in Hollywood are false. So there's that and you know, in thinking about this honeymoon phase thing too, so many couples hang on to each other for a very long time. Yeah. Because they are trying to get back to that honeymoon phase. You, you probably know what I'm talking about, right? Or you might be in that boat right now and it's okay. It's okay.
[00:04:00] Doesn't mean that there's anything inherently wrong with your relationship. I think this all still goes back to the mindset, which I did in the previous episode. We could also talk about expectations. And in my Obsessed Less Love More program, you're going to learn some strategies to help you in loving deeper and creating. A more fulfilling connection with your true love. In this scenario, y'all, you might know what I'm talking about where your friend, or maybe this is you, they're like, Gosh, if only my husband and I could go back to that first six months when we were dating. Like, it was amazing. Perfect. You couldn't have asked for any better. We got along so well, we did so many things together. We were laughing, hanging out. It just felt perfect. And it's like, we still try to get back to that. Yikes, right? Because they're hanging on to something that was a pure dopamine fueled experience.
[00:05:00] Now, not to say that you are bonding and forming connections and allowing some romance to blossom. But realistically, you won't have sparks flying all the time. And that can be very, very hard when you're experiencing relationship doubts. Because you really want to feel fully connected all the time. And I totally under, I totally understand that it may worry you if you're not feeling that spark as frequently as you once did. I get it, and I can understand how that would feel upsetting, and you may have even found yourself Googling or going on Reddit or Quora and looking at relationship advice on how do I find the spark again? How can we boost the romance?
[00:06:00] And in getting back to this core idea of the honeymoon phase, It will change and I get that. That can feel uncomfortable. So let's talk about that fear of change. First of all, are you the same person you were five years ago? No. Are you even the same person you were one year ago? Not likely. So as you can see, and I hope that you've been on an uphill trajectory of self improvement. And so you can see that even though you're not the same person you were before, you're still a good person. You've still got a lot going for you. So change doesn't have to be bad. And if we're looking at it as far as the honeymoon phase, yes, it will fade.
[00:07:00] Only in the dopamine perspective, your love for them will not change. And more likely than not, you guys are going to do things to build your connection and to help you feel closer. But let's talk about what's within your control. First of all, it's going to come back to that mindset piece. Even if the honeymoon Phase fades. That doesn't mean something's wrong. So, you can shift your focus into growth. Thinking like, how can I be a better partner to my spouse? How can we grow together? Because especially in being two people, you know, there's a lot of factors and opportunity there for you guys to grow. And so that change and growth can be a very good thing. And if anything, that could lead us into point number two, which is like curiosity.
[00:08:00] Like curiosity. Yes, it's unknown, but aren't you curious to see what the future may hold? Again, it's a mindset shift, because on the one hand, you know, when you're worried, That means you're fearful about the future, but if you're curious, you're excited about the possibilities. Isn't that interesting? Just that shift. It's almost like a lighthouse. Like, you're just shifting from looking at one island and turning to looking at another island. I don't know. It just feels so beautiful when you think about, yes, the future is unknown, but if we look at it through this lens. lens of curiosity how fun and exciting and invigorating that can feel. And my advice to any couple that is struggling with connection is to have a hobby together.
[00:09:00] And that hobby can change as your relationship evolves. Because when my husband and I were first married, he's prior military, so we did a lot of exploring and traveling depending upon where we were stationed and it was just a beautiful experience because it was only the two of us and, and going out into these new places, it was just a lot of fun to talk about. But then three kids later, our hobby is coaching a ball team together. And what happens in these hobbies, no matter what it is, Essentially, the nuts and bolts of it is that you are spending time together, number one, but number two, you have a common goal together. And then number three, you have things to talk about that are positive.
[00:10:00] So often, especially if you have the relationship doubts, you can get stuck in that cycle of asking questions or getting reassurance or avoiding and doing all these things that leads to disconnection. And strategy number three on how to handle falling out of the honeymoon phase. I want you to remember just because you fall out of the honeymoon phase doesn't mean you fall out of love. And as I was saying in the beginning of the episode, love is a positive action towards someone else. It's not just a feeling. It is an action. So I encourage you to keep showing up for you and for your partner. Don't give up on you, don't give up on your relationship, and don't give up on your partner.
[00:11:00] I promise you, you won't regret it. Now if you're in a toxic relationship, I feel like I have to caveat so many things because I know there, I understand that there can be exceptions. Okay. But in general, you will not regret investing in yourself, investing in your partner and investing in your relationship. Don't give up. Don't get sidetracked.
And when you keep showing up for you and your partner, you are doing small acts of love and small acts of kindness day in and day out because those small steps Build momentum over time. Relationships thrive on small, consistent actions. And by staying consistent, you are demonstrating stability and security within your relationship.
So even when times feel tough and you don't feel like showing an act of love to your partner, I encourage you to do it anyway.
[00:12:00] Now this is not ignoring stuff or you know, being codependent, none of that. I'm talking about just genuine acts of love towards someone else, even if it's not you. You've had a rough day, you know, try your best to step out of your own stuff and focus on the other's needs.
Try to humble yourself, right? Put the needs of others before your own and easier said than done. I know, but these small things of even asking, how was your day today?
And ultimately, for you, because if you both are reciprocating in this, you're both helping build each other up and continuing to connect.
00:13:00] And when we look at the bigger picture here, you, Are thinking that a honeymoon phase is what a strong relationship looks like, you know, if we're being real, a strong relationship isn't one that necessarily stays 100 percent in the honeymoon phase all the time. To me, it's like when you and your partner have that unconditional love, AKA positive actions towards one another through the good and the bad, right? I mean, um, When things are hard, things are rough. It is so uplifting when your partner comes through for you. And that's, you know, kind of going back to the point earlier about doing those small acts of kindness. Even when you don't feel like it, like even when your partner messes up, they're struggling and they will really turn a corner if you show them love and compassion and grace and forgiveness.
And [00:14:00] whenever you can push through or navigate through those hard times, your love grows that much deeper, even when the butterflies fade.
So healthy long term relationships don't need the honeymoon phase indefinitely. The honeymoon phase is, is just that it's a natural thing that happens. but it doesn't have to be there 100 percent of the time in order for you to have a loving, healthy, deep, fulfilling connection with your romantic partner. Okay.
So in summary, the honeymoon phase consists of all that dopamine rush in the beginning, and it feels like things are perfect.
[00:15:00] And if you're, Struggling with relationship worries, you could be excessively worrying about what if we fall out of love, what if they change, what if we don't feel as excited about our relationship anymore, or you could be in that boat of like, we want to get back to that honeymoon phase, yet you're like 10 years into marriage and you're still not back to that honeymoon phase feeling. You are More than welcome to go check out my Obsess Less, Love More program where you can transform your relationship doubts into confidence and clarity, deep fulfillment with your true love. And you can check out the program at my new webpage called livebeyonddoubt.com
Because this honeymoon phase, it's not a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and rain on your parade. No, there are opportunities and strategies for you to shift.
[00:16:00] And that could start with changing your focus. Possibly you're looking at how things always change and change doesn't necessarily mean bad. Change can be good. We can also look at it as our future can be exciting. It can bring curiosity. It doesn't necessarily mean fear or that the unknown is scary. And the third strategy is continue showing positive behaviors aka love towards your partner even when you don't feel like it because those small consistent actions will remind you both of your bond and your connection. And ultimately y'all, your relationship is not defined by the honeymoon phase.
Thank you for being here and hearing these strategies. More to come next week and I know it's such a dad joke but with the new year coming up it's almost like, see you next year.
[00:17:00] Even though it's only like, even though the next episode is going to come out in one week. Next year, I'm going to have my next episode dealing with jealousy and insecurity. Ooh, I can't wait to bring you that episode because in 2025, we want to be our best self and jealousy and insecurity. No, thank you. Okay. Again, go check out my Obsessed Less Love More program because it is launching in January 2025. Go to livebeyonddoubt.com to sign up and have a happy new year.
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