Take Back Your Mind From Intrusive OCD Thoughts
Ever sent an email and then spent hours overthinking it? Or got a simple “Can we talk later?” text and immediately assumed the worst? Yeah, me too. Overthinking at work and in relationships can be exhausting, but what if I told you there’s a way out?
In this video, we’re diving into The Gideon Principle—a biblical lesson that completely shifted how I handle doubt, fear, and overanalysis. You’ll see how a man hiding in a winepress (yep, literally hiding) actually holds the key to breaking free from the overthinking cycle.
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These episodes is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment
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The Woman's Guide to Overcoming the Approval Trap | Ep 70
Erin H. Davis: [00:00:00] Before we dive in, a quick shout out to th thriver more on them later, but trust me, you'll want to hear this episode. Welcome to Bossing Up, overcoming OCD, the podcast designed to help you take control of your life. And boss up to OCD. I'm your host, Erin Davis. OCD therapist and relationship coach. I'm also a wife, mom to three, and dog mama.
If you're overwhelmed by thoughts that aren't getting cured in typical top therapy, it's time to climb out of that valley and enjoy the view. Grab your coffee, pop in your AirPods, and join me as we explore proven strategies, personal stories, and expert advice to help you boss up and thrive beyond OCD.
Her worth wasn't dependent on being available 24 7 or saying yes to every single request. Alright, this episode is about the approval trap setting boundaries with colleagues and bosses. Have you ever found yourself saying [00:01:00] yes when every part of you wants to scream? No. Maybe it was staying out late at work, or you had family plans you wanted to get to or taking on.
Oh my goodness. That extra project, right? It just gently slides over to your desk and you can't find the words to say no. Even though you are already overwhelmed, maybe you're also agreeing with your boss on their ideas, even though you know better and you actually have a better approach. Spoiler alert for high achieving women.
Setting boundaries at work can feel impossible. You worry that saying no might damage your reputation, hurt your career prospects, or make people think that you're not a team player. But here's what I've discovered After working with hundreds of professional women, the same relationship anxiety that makes you seek constant reassurance from your partner is what makes you seek constant approval at work.
In today's [00:02:00] episode, I'm gonna show you how to break free from the approval trap using principles from inference based cognitive behavioral therapy in my own peace method. Framework. These are tools that I've used to help transform both career and relationship dynamics in the lives of my clients. Before we dive in, if you're new here, I'm Erin Davis, a relationship OCD coach for high achieving women.
These high achieving women excel at work but struggle with overthinking in their relationships. If that sounds like you hit subscribe, follow. You can also download my 10 Tips for Relationship. OCD link is in the show notes. Let's start with a powerful truth from scripture. We're going to Isaiah 41 10, which says, fear not for I am with you.
Be not dismayed. For I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. This verse can help you during those times when you're feeling. Trapped or you're [00:03:00] feeling stuck in that. Honestly, y'all, the worldly thinking about getting approval from others, God is gonna help you.
God is gonna lift you up. And the only approval we truly need to be concerned about is who, right? It's God's. Because when you're concerned about other people's opinions of you. You are stuck in the worldly views and you're not able to live authentically, let alone feel confident. In the work that I do with my clients, we do things to call out this negative thinking, the negative thought cycles, all of these things that create doubts.
Because here's the thing, y'all, we all experience doubts, right? But if you find yourself continuing to worry. And can't seem to catch a break from those. What if thoughts? I want to tell you about the, the work that the clients and I do. So we call it a faulty inference. That is a conclusion that you've drawn, but it isn't based in reality.
The inference might sound like if I [00:04:00] set boundaries at work, my coworkers won't like me, or if I say no, my boss is gonna think I'm being difficult. So let me introduce you to my client, Rebecca, as we'll. Call her. She's a senior manager at a consulting firm where she was known for being available 24 7.
Yeah. You know, and I've even been there myself, so I'm not throwing any shade. She answered emails at their beck and call. She took calls and texts during her son's soccer games and never push back even when given unreasonable deadlines. When Rebecca and I started working together, she realized this same pattern also showed up in her romantic relationships.
She was constantly checking if her husband was happy, apologizing for having needs and walking on eggshells to avoid any conflict, sound familiar, and the root of both issues. Y'all was a deep seated belief that her worth was tied to others' approval. This is where our work together and my approach [00:05:00] is.
Can become very powerful instead of just treating the symptoms. Like the symptoms of people pleasing. We not only address the behaviors, but we address the faulty inference at its core. It's so exciting. Like I just can't wait to get more people knowing about all these methods and tricks. It's amazing.
Total life changing shift because you learn to distinguish between what's real and what's imagined. Because all those doubts are creating false narratives, Pfizer transforms the way clients interact with their out-of-network benefits. As you know, clients need to manually submit super mills for out-of-network sessions and wait months for reimbursement.
With thr, clients can just pay a copay for sessions while th thriver covers the rest of your full rate upfront, they handle everything from verifying out-of-network benefits to submitting claims, to waiting for reimbursement on the client's behalf. In turn. They are an incredibly powerful tool [00:06:00] for you and your practice to convert and retain private pay clients.
You can try th thriver completely for free with my link, or go to join.th thriver.com/aaron. So in getting back to Rebecca. She wasn't getting any actual evidence that she would be seen as difficult or that she was being expected to do these unreasonable deadlines or that she was needing to be answering her phone during her son's soccer games.
No, she was doing this all on her own. And same with showing up at home, right? Like husband is carefree, not the conflictual type, but she still found herself worrying that any kind of conflict meant trouble in paradise. So once she realized the stories that she was telling herself and these false narratives, we started to then examine the evidence like the actual here and now or something that you can experience with one of your five senses.
When we examined that evidence, we found that her colleagues [00:07:00] respected her more because she was showing up. With clear boundaries, she was being authentic and confident, and guess what? Her boss never penalized her for having reasonable limits. In fact, those who set boundaries were often given more responsibility because they are seen as trustworthy and responsible and honest.
And this brings me to a principle based upon the life of King David. Back in the Old Testament, before becoming a king, David served under Saul, who became increasingly jealous and volatile. David had to set boundaries with his boss. Literally because Saul was trying to kill David. And all the while David was fleeing from Saul.
Yes, Saul was trying to kill him with a spear. Yet David maintained his integrity and respect. He didn't compromise his values or his safety to please Paul. But can you imagine if David had not set boundaries with Saul, we wouldn't have all of these great stories about King [00:08:00] David. So ultimately this boundary allowed David to preserve not only his life, but also his ability to fulfill his calling.
Amazing. Right now in the work with Rebecca and I, we also look at emotional awareness where we are recognizing those things that are driving your fear because something is feeding it right. For Rebecca, we discovered that her fear wasn't really about her job at all. It stemmed from childhood experiences where love felt conditional on performance, and that's very common for high achieving women.
She learned that in order to be valued, she needed to be useful and agreeable, so she needed to learn to separate herself from her past wounds and her present reality. Her worth wasn't dependent on being available 24 7 or saying yes to every single request. A third step I'm gonna share with you today is developing practical strategies to implement boundaries.
First of all, you can create what I [00:09:00] call a boundary bridge. Instead of just saying no, you can offer a bridge to what you can do. For example, I can't stay late tonight, but I can prioritize this first thing tomorrow, another action step. You can call it the pause practice. So when you're asked to commit to something you can respond with, let me check my schedule and get back to you by doing this, this breaks that automatic yes pattern and gives you space to make a thoughtful decision.
Last part of these action items to help you with boundary setting is what I call the value alignment. With your values, you can then frame boundaries in terms of what you cherish, what you find is a priority, what brings you fulfillment, and that way you can be clear on when you can decline additional unnecessary tasks or tasks that don't align with your values, right?
Like you don't wanna be taking those phone calls and texts at your son's soccer games. Here's some fun facts for you. According to a study published in the [00:10:00] Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, employees who set Healthy Work Boundaries report 53% higher job satisfaction and 68% lower burnout rates.
Also research from the Harvard Business Review found that women are 2.5 times more likely than men to feel uncomfortable setting boundaries at work. This isn't just about saying no more often, it's about recognizing your inherent worth isn't tied to others' approval. Today, you've learned how the approval trap affects high achieving women.
We've talked about my frameworks, my methods for helping you. Set healthy boundaries and practical tools to implement in your own workplace relationships. If you're ready to break free from the approval trap once and for all, I have an invitation for you. I'm selecting just 10 women for my exclusive obsessed Less Love More group coaching program starting now.
This is a 12 week [00:11:00] transformational program to help you apply principles just like this and more, as well as have a community. Therefore, you can get support with your work. Personal and romantic relationships. This program will help you with your confidence, setting boundaries, having better relationships, and have a new found sense of peace in your personal life.
If you're tired of living for others' approval and ready to reclaim your time, energy, and self-worth, this is your moment. Visit live beyond doubt.com and apply to be one of the first 10 women in this transformational program. Next week, come back to listen in for a special conversation that I'm having with my friend Dr.
Nat Green. Who is a trauma specialist? You're gonna learn about the trauma archetypes and how to rise like a phoenix. Dr. Nat is gonna give us three essential keys to thriving after trauma. Remember, boundaries aren't walls that push people away. They're bridges that allow for authentic [00:12:00] connection. You are creative for more than pleasing others.
You are created to live with purpose, peace, and power. Stay blessed by the best and I'll see you next time.
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✅ Break free from the mental spiral so you can fully embrace the love you deserve. Download my 10 Tips for ROCD Checklist here.
✨ Feel deeply connected to your partner without overthinking every interaction. Join my Obsess Less, Love More program to create confidence in your relationship.
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*This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Content is proudly sponsored by Thrizer
📌 Got questions about OCD, relationships, or mental health? Meet Erin Davis AI—an AI version of me, trained with my expertise and available 24/7 for free.
