Relationship OCD

Let’s unpack the complexities of Relationship OCD to build understanding, compassion, and support for those affected by this challenging condition. Whether you're personally touched by ROCD or simply curious about the intricacies of human relationships, this episode offers valuable insights that may reshape your perspective.

In this thought-provoking episode, we talk about the world of Relationship OCD (ROCD). Join me as we seek to understand how OCD shows up in romance. This episode explores the phenomenon of Relationship OCD (ROCD), a form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder characterized by intrusive thoughts and doubts about one's romantic relationships. Hosted by Erin, a licensed clinical mental health counselor and OCD specialist, the episode delves into how ROCD manifests, its impact on relationships, and the importance of professional treatment. It shares the story of Lily and Alex, a couple navigating the challenges of ROCD, to illustrate the condition's effects and the potential for overcoming it with therapy. The episode also discusses Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) strategies, a cornerstone of OCD treatment, and introduces a partnership with NoCD to provide accessible therapy options. Additionally, Erin announces a private podcast focusing on mindfulness techniques to support mental health. The episode aims to raise awareness about ROCD, encourage seeking help, and provide a platform for further discussion on mindfulness and mental health.

00:00 Raising Awareness: Understanding Relationship OCD

00:34 Introducing the Host and the Journey Ahead

01:57 A Deep Dive into Relationship OCD Through Lily's Story

07:50 Exploring the Realities of Relationship OCD

13:58 Effective Strategies for Overcoming Relationship OCD

19:38 Introducing the Private Podcast and Mindfulness Meditations

28:47 Closing Thoughts and Next Steps

• Episode Transcript

  Is Relationship OCD Real?

  [00:00:00]

  [00:00:00] Erin H. Davis: We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.

  [00:00:25] Erin H. Davis: Breaking the OCD cycle takes effective treatment. Go to nocd. com To get evidence based treatment.

  [00:00:34] Erin H. Davis: Welcome to the first episode in February, 2024, where this month of February, I'm going to be talking about relationship OCD. Have you ever wondered if you have obsessive love? OCD does not develop overnight, just like alcoholism does not develop overnight. Just because you get drunk one night, that doesn't make you an alcoholic.

  [00:00:59] Erin H. Davis: Same goes for OCD. Yes, sometimes OCD can cause an intense episode, but normally it's a gradual process. Today we're going to be talking about how OCD shows up in your romantic relationships.

  [00:01:13] Erin H. Davis: Hi, I'm Erin, licensed clinical mental health counselor and OCD specialist. I'm also a Christian, wife, mom to three, and small business owner, helping those who are overwhelmed by stress to climb out of that valley and enjoy the view. Reheat your coffee and pop in your AirPods to learn how to boss up to OCD.

  [00:01:37] Erin H. Davis: Welcome to another episode of Bossing Up, Overcoming OCD, today, we will explore the phenomenon of relationship OCD, so it's known as relationship OCD or ROCD. Is it real or is it a creation of the mind?

  [00:01:54] Erin H. Davis: Let's figure this out together. First, allow me to share a story about obsessive love. Once upon a time, in a little country town, there lived a young couple named Lily and Alex. They were deeply in love. They had a bond that seemed unbreakable. Lily had a heart as tender as the petals of blooming flowers.

  [00:02:16] Erin H. Davis: Lily was deeply in love with her partner, Alex, who was a kind and understanding soul.

  [00:02:22] Erin H. Davis: Nevertheless, Lily's mind was often clouded by intrusive thoughts and doubts about their relationship. She would [00:02:30] spend countless hours questioning the authenticity of her feelings, wondering if Alex truly loved her as much as she loved him. Lily held to a secret struggle within her mind. She carried a burden that only a few could understand. She had relentless waves of doubt and uncertainty that fueled her experience with Relationship OCD, or ROCD.

  [00:02:54] Erin H. Davis: Lily's thoughts were like unwanted guests. Barging into the sanctuary of her relationship,

  [00:03:00] Erin H. Davis: she questioned the authenticity of her love for Alex and, a lot of times, doubted his feelings for her. It was like insistent whispers in her mind that attempted to cast shadows over the beautiful bond they shared. He doesn't love you. The voice would say. Or, if he loved you, he would hold your hand right now.

  [00:03:21] Erin H. Davis: One day, as they strolled hand in hand through the town park, Lily felt the familiar rush of anxiety. She couldn't shake the intrusive thoughts that whispered doubt into her ears. Afraid that her internal struggles would taint the love they had built, she decided to confide in Alex. Tears welled up in Lily's eyes as she began to share the storm within her mind.

  [00:03:44] Erin H. Davis: Alex, I love you more than words can express, but sometimes my mind plays tricks on me. There are times when my mind fills me with doubt about us, about our love. Taking a deep breath, Lily decided to face this trigger head on. She looked into Alex's eyes and confessed her fears. I worry that you don't love me, I'm not as good of a girlfriend as someone else you dated, or that you don't feel the same way that I feel about you, and if we break up, it will destroy me.

  [00:04:16] Erin H. Davis: Alex listened attentively, his heart aching for Lily. He reached out and gently wiped away her tears. To Lily's surprise, Alex gave her a hug and said, Lily, I love you. And I'm here for you. We'll face this together, Lily. Our love is stronger than anything. Determined to overcome the challenges that ROCD brought,

  [00:04:41] Erin H. Davis: lily and Alex decided to face this journey with understanding and compassion. They sought the guidance of a compassionate therapist who specialized in OCD. The therapist introduced them to mindfulness techniques and guided exposure exercises. Together, [00:05:00] Lily and Alex faced the uncertainties that Lily's mind conjured up.

  [00:05:04] Erin H. Davis: In these moments, Alex remains steadfast, providing support to Lily without enabling or giving in to her compulsive behaviors. She practiced mindfulness in the shared moments, allowing the purity of their connection to shine through. Together, they set boundaries for reassurance seeking behaviors, learning to accept the uncertainty as a natural part of love.

  [00:05:30] Erin H. Davis: As the therapy sessions progressed, Lily noticed a transformation within herself. The once intrusive thoughts began to lose their grip. The love between Lily and Alex became a safe space where doubts could dissipate like morning mist. As they navigated the complexities of ROCD, their love transformed and blossomed.

  [00:05:52] Erin H. Davis: It became a beacon of strength, weathering the storms of doubt. Lily learned to determine the difference between her intrusive thoughts and her genuine feelings that bound them together. One day, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow on the town, Lily decided it was time to confront the shadows that lurked within her mind.

  [00:06:16] Erin H. Davis: She was going to be brave and practice more of the things that the therapist taught her. The first step was acknowledging the love that surrounded her. Lily and Alex spent the evening strolling through the downtown shops by getting a cappuccino at a street side coffee shop and hearing a band at the downtown pavilion.

  [00:06:35] Erin H. Davis: Underneath the twinkling stars, Lily allowed herself to be immersed in the beauty of the moment. Feeling the warmth of Alex's hand in hers, yet doubts whispered in her mind like a distant breeze. As they sat on the park bench in their little country town, where their love story began, Lily looked into Alex's eyes with newfound clarity and said,

  [00:06:57] Erin H. Davis: Alex, thank you for standing by me through it all. Our love is not defined by my intrusive thoughts, it's defined by the courage to face them together. She leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. He asked, are you kissing me for reassurance, or is it because you wanted to kiss me? Lily said, I'm I want to kiss you because I want to.

  [00:07:20] Erin H. Davis: OCD is not my boss anymore.

  [00:07:23] Erin H. Davis: Their love story, once shadowed by doubt, blossomed into a tale of resilience. Lily and [00:07:30] Alex's love story was woven with threads of courage, understanding, and acceptance. Lily's journey with ROCD is a testament to the power of love in overcoming internal struggles and the power of effective therapy.

  [00:07:42] Erin H. Davis: Lily and Alex discovered that even the most challenging storms could be weathered, and the sun could shine again on the other side.

  [00:07:50] Erin H. Davis: Okay,

  [00:07:50] Erin H. Davis: is relationship OCD real and how do you treat it? Relationship OCD is a term that has gained a lot of attention in recent years. It's describing a pattern of intrusive thoughts and doubts about one's romantic relationship. But what does it really mean and is it a legitimate mental health condition?

  [00:08:10] Erin H. Davis: Let's start by understanding what relationship OCD is and how it's defined. Relationship OCD or ROCD involves obsessive thoughts and doubts about your romantic relationship. These thoughts can center around fears of not being in love,

  [00:08:28] Erin H. Davis: It's a challenging experience for those who go through it, but here's the big question. Is Relationship OCD a recognized mental health disorder? The term Relationship OCD is not officially recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, or what's called the DSM 5, which The DSM 5 is what mental health professionals use for diagnosing.

  [00:08:52] Erin H. Davis: However, the symptoms associated with ROCD often fall under the broader category of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Even though it might not have its own classification, the experiences individuals face are real and can be quite distressing. How does ROCD impact relationships and what are some common signs?

  [00:09:14] Erin H. Davis: Individuals with ROCD may experience constant doubt and anxiety leading to an ongoing quest for reassurance or compulsive behaviors. This can strain relationships as partners may feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. In relationship OCD or ROCD, individuals often seek reassurance to alleviate their intrusive doubts and anxieties about their romantic relationships.

  [00:09:41] Erin H. Davis: Here are some examples of seeking reassurance in the context of ROCD. Number one, constantly asking for affirmation. For example, do you really love me? Can you tell me that you're not going to leave? I just need to hear it again. Number two, repeatedly seeking [00:10:00] validation. For example, am I a good partner? Do you think we're compatible?

  [00:10:05] Erin H. Davis: Please tell me that everything is okay between us. Okay, so number two, repeatedly seeking validation. For example, they may ask am I a good partner? Do you think we're going to end up getting married? Please tell me that everything is okay between us. Third example. Questioning the relationship. Such as, Do you ever doubt our relationship? How can you be sure we're right for each other?

  [00:10:30] Erin H. Davis: I need you to reassure me that we're meant to be. Number four. Checking for signs of love. Can you show me that you love me right now? I need a sign that says our love is genuine and real. Number five, analyzing past conversations. For example, remember when you said, fill in the blank. Does that still hold true? Do you still believe that? I just want to be sure that you're happy with me. Number six, comparing relationships. Yikes. So for example, have you ever felt this way with someone else? Am I the best partner you've had?

  [00:11:08] Erin H. Davis: I need to know that our relationship is special. Number seven, monitoring social media. This one can really come up a lot with OCD. So it could be examples of like, why did you like that person's photo? Are you interested in them? I need to know. And, aka reassurance, I need to know that you're committed to me.

  [00:11:31] Erin H. Davis: Number eight, seeking reassurance from others. So this could sound like, I talked with my friends about us, and they think we're so good together that we'll get married. Do you think they're right? I need to know if you agree. All right, so it's important to remember that while seeking reassurance is a common behavior in ROCD, it contributes to the OCD cycle of doubt and anxiety.

  [00:11:56] Erin H. Davis: Individuals with ROCD may benefit from professional help to address the underlying issues and learn healthier coping mechanisms. Understanding the patterns of reassurance seeking is a crucial step in breaking the cycle and fostering more secure relationships. It's important to recognize the impact on both you and your partner, as well as all of your relationships.

  [00:12:18] Erin H. Davis: For our listeners who might be resonating with these descriptions, do you want to know what steps you can take if you suspect you have ROCD or if your partner is dealing with ROCD? First, [00:12:30] seeking professional help is essential. A mental health professional, especially one experienced in treating OCD, can provide support guidance and therapeutic interventions to address these obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.

  [00:12:44] Erin H. Davis: Remember that you're not alone. Reach out for support from a mental health professional. Recognizing and addressing these thoughts is a courageous step towards a healthier mindset and stronger relationships.

  [00:12:57] Erin H. Davis: We're partnering with NoCD to raise awareness about OCD. OCD is more than what you see on TV and in the movies. Imagine having unwanted thoughts about your relationship stuck in your head all day, no matter how hard you try to make them go away. That's Relationship OCD. It comes with unrelenting, intrusive images, thoughts, and urges about your partner or loved one.

  [00:13:21] Erin H. Davis: If you think you may be struggling with Relationship OCD, there's hope. NoCD offers effective, affordable, and convenient OCD therapy. NoCD therapists are trained in Exposure Response Prevention Therapy, the gold standard treatment for OCD. With NoCD, you can do virtual, Live face to face video sessions with one of their licensed specialty trained therapists.

  [00:13:45] Erin H. Davis: It's affordable and they accept most major insurance plans. Breaking the relationship OCD cycle takes effective treatment. To get started with NoCD, go to nocd. com slash savage.

  [00:13:58] Erin H. Davis: let's get into the exposure and response prevention strategies and examples that could potentially be a part of the treatment plan when you're working with an OCD specialist. And ERP involves gradually facing anxiety provoking situations, exposures, without engaging in the usual compulsive responses.

  [00:14:21] Erin H. Davis: Here are some examples of ERP exercises specifically tailored for individuals dealing with relationship OCD. First, uncertainty acceptance. The exposure is allowing yourself to sit with uncertainty about your relationship without seeking reassurance. The response prevention is you will be resisting the urge to ask for reassurance or seek confirmation.

  [00:14:46] Erin H. Davis: Accept the uncertainty and refrain from engaging in mental rituals to find answers. Number two, mindfulness in relationship moments. The exposure is engaging in your romantic or intimate moments [00:15:00] without analyzing or doubting the feelings. The response prevention is refraining, so keeping yourself from overthinking or seeking reassurance during these moments.

  [00:15:10] Erin H. Davis: Focus on being present and immersed in the experience without questioning its authenticity.

  [00:15:17] Erin H. Davis: Number three, an intentional exposure trigger. The exposure could be identifying those specific triggers that usually evoke doubt or anxiety in your relationship. And the response prevention is you're going to be avoiding engaging in the compulsive behaviors such as checking, asking for reassurance, or analyzing thoughts.

  [00:15:38] Erin H. Davis: Instead, you're going to observe the discomfort without reacting. Number four is creating relationship uncertainty. The exposure is intentionally introducing uncertainty into your relationship, such as not knowing your partner's plans for the day. The response prevention is resist the urge to seek information or control the situation.

  [00:16:01] Erin H. Davis: You will allow yourself to accept the uncertainty to exist without trying to eliminate it. Number five, limiting relationship checking. So this will apply if you are checking messages or following your partner on social media, where you are going to either delay your checking or you will set a time limit for your checking behaviors. The exposure is setting a time limit for checking behaviors related to your relationship. For example, that might be checking messages, checking up on them on social media and the response prevention is stick to a time limit and resist the temptation to check beyond that. Setting that time limit so you can resist the temptation to check beyond that. You will notice your anxiety will decrease over time. And it's great to allow your anxiety to decrease by at least 50 percent before you stop the exposure

  [00:16:59] Erin H. Davis: . Number six is role reversal. The exposure is imagining or doing role play scenarios where you take on the role of your partner expressing doubts or seeking reassurance.

  [00:17:10] Erin H. Davis: So you're going to flip the script there. And the response prevention is you're going to respond to these scenarios without providing reassurance. You're going to practice handling the uncertainty and the discomfort. Number seven is delaying reassurance. When you feel the urge for the reassurance or when you [00:17:30] feel the rise of wanting reassurance, you will delay seeking that reassurance.

  [00:17:35] Erin H. Davis: So you're going to try to put off asking for Reassurance, whatever the subject is or topic is. And the response prevention is waiting a set amount of time or set period of time before seeking the reassurance. Use this time to observe your anxiety and notice how it will eventually decrease. Number eight is mindful exposure to relationship triggers.

  [00:18:01] Erin H. Davis: So the exposure is mindfully exposing yourself to situations that typically trigger your ROCD thoughts. This might be seeing your partner's ex, or it might be seeing someone that you think your partner is cheating on you with. And the response prevention is practice staying present and accepting the anxious thoughts without engaging in compulsive behaviors.

  [00:18:25] Erin H. Davis: These exercises should be approached gradually and under the guidance of a mental health professional experienced in ERP. The goal is to reduce the impact of obsessive thoughts and build tolerance to uncertainty in relationships.

  [00:18:39] Erin H. Davis: Remember, understanding the mind is a continuous process, and compassion is key to opening the doors of communication. Next week I'll be talking more about relationship OCD for those of you that are single and what to do if you're in a relationship where you doubt if you have found the one.

  [00:18:57] Erin H. Davis: Before wrapping up today's episode, I would like to share that I'm very interested in hearing your questions. If you've got a question that you're curious about or want to learn more information on, stay tuned and stay posted for a form where you will be able to submit your questions directly to me.

  [00:19:15] Erin H. Davis: And if you're interested in being part of the show, I'm also open to that idea as well. In the future, I will have a form where you can submit your questions and or your inquiry about being a part of the show. I would love to involve the audience and get a feel for what you want to learn more about.

  [00:19:32] Erin H. Davis: It's been a one sided conversation for a little too long and I'm ready to hear more from you. Also I want to share with you that the private podcast is scheduled to come out before summer 2024. I've already recorded a few episodes and I'm so excited and can't wait for you guys to listen to it.

  [00:19:50] Erin H. Davis: What I'd like to do is allow you to listen to a segment, just a little preview of the mindfulness meditations. This mindfulness meditation that you're going to [00:20:00] hear, it's called Loving Kindness. It is one of the more traditional meditations. I hope you enjoy it, and also know that most of these mindfulness meditations that you're going to find on the Private Podcast are going to be the non traditional, non cliché. Exercises. So it's going to be really fun. I recorded an episode of walking through the grocery store and it was so pleasant. It was such a nice opportunity, even for me, just to get in touch with the things that are in the here and now, and we're not fully wrapped up in our to do list .

  [00:20:32] Erin H. Davis: It was an experience that I would even like to recreate for myself. With the episodes, I'm going to be having mindful walking that walking can take place on a park trail, going down the street, going through the grocery store, and it's not necessarily that you have to add in any extra time to your day.

  [00:20:51] Erin H. Davis: What I would love to do is invite you to join me in these episodes where you can bring mindfulness to your everyday so that you can see how practical and useful mindfulness can be in your everyday life. All right, without further ado, here is a sneak peek and preview of my private podcast.

  [00:21:10] Erin H. Davis: Welcome to this mindfulness episode of Loving Kindness. In today's exercises, I'm gonna be walking you through some meditations that help you build on the loving kindness idea. You can practice this exercise at any time of day. It may be best to listen to this meditation first thing in the morning, so then you can set the tone for your day.

  [00:21:35] Erin H. Davis: First, find a comfortable seated position, either on a chair or on a cushion

  [00:21:41] Erin H. Davis: with your back straight, and your hands resting on your lap. Let your eyes gently close, allowing yourself to turn inward and focus on the rhythm of your breath.

  [00:21:59] Erin H. Davis: Take a few deep breaths in filling your lungs with fresh air and exhale slowly letting go of any tension or stress.

  [00:22:17] Erin H. Davis: Feel the gentle rise and fall of your chest with each breath. Grounding yourself in the present moment.[00:22:30]

  [00:22:31] Erin H. Davis: Feel the weight of your body supported by the surface beneath you, and let go of any tension with each exhale.

  [00:22:47] Erin H. Davis: As we take this journey of love and kindness, begin by directing your love and compassion towards yourself. Inhale deeply, and as you exhale repeat to yourself, may I be happy. May I be healthy? May I be well, may I be at ease?

  [00:23:22] Erin H. Davis: Feel the warmth of these wishes surrounding you, bringing a sense of love and acceptance for who you are.

  [00:23:40] Erin H. Davis: Just as you are, inhale deeply and exhale slowly. May I be happy? May I be healthy. May I be well, may I be at ease.

  [00:24:14] Erin H. Davis: Feel these words resonate within you, inviting a gentle and loving energy to embrace your entire being.

  [00:24:28] Erin H. Davis: As you continue to breathe, extend your empathy towards the experiences and emotions you carry. Inhale deeply, and as you exhale, share with yourself, may I understand my own pain? May I be patient with my struggles? May I [00:25:00] offer myself the compassion I deserve?

  [00:25:06] Erin H. Davis: Allow a sense of warmth and compassion to rise up in your heart. Embrace your imperfections with tenderness, knowing that you are deserving of love and understanding.

  [00:25:27] Erin H. Davis: Breathe in this self-compassion.

  [00:25:37] Erin H. Davis: Now focus on moments of joy and success in your life.

  [00:25:45] Erin H. Davis: Inhale deeply, and as you exhale, express gratitude to yourself.

  [00:25:57] Erin H. Davis: May I celebrate my accomplishments? May I cherish moments of joy? May I recognize my own strength and resilience?

  [00:26:16] Erin H. Davis: Acknowledge the journey you've walked, appreciating the person you are becoming. Let the light of self-compassion shine brightly within you.

  [00:26:34] Erin H. Davis: Dispelling any shadows of doubt or self-criticism

  [00:26:45] Erin H. Davis: in this space of grace and empathy, allow yourself to let go of any judgements. Or expectations.

  [00:26:58] Erin H. Davis: Inhale deeply, and as you exhale, affirm to yourself, may I be free from self-judgment?

  [00:27:15] Erin H. Davis: May I release unrealistic expectations?

  [00:27:21] Erin H. Davis: May I be kind and gentle with myself?

  [00:27:29] Erin H. Davis: Feel a [00:27:30] sense of freedom as you embrace the present moment without the weight of judgment. Allow the waves of self-love and acceptance wash over you.

  [00:27:49] Erin H. Davis: Take a few moments to breathe in and out,

  [00:27:59] Erin H. Davis: feeling the peace of love and kindness within you

  [00:28:07] Erin H. Davis: Carry this warmth with you into your day, and may it ripple out touching the lives of those around you.

  [00:28:20] Erin H. Davis: Gently open your eyes returning to the present moment,

  [00:28:29] Erin H. Davis: Carry this loving kindness with you as you move through your day.

  [00:28:35] Erin H. Davis: Thank you for participating in this meditation.

  [00:28:38] Erin H. Davis: I encourage you to continue to move forward with a heart full of compassion, grace, love, and kindness.

  [00:28:47] Erin H. Davis: Thank you for listening to today's episode. This information is intended to be helpful and not a substitute for professional counseling. Before you go, kindly leave me a five star review and check out the links in the show notes to see the products that can make your small business dreams happen. Take care and see you next time.

  [00:29:06] Erin H. Davis: My private podcast will be published before the summer 2024. Get on the wait list for my private podcast to use mindfulness in ways just like Lily. The link for the private podcast wait list is in the show notes. Remember to take care of your mind. Embrace uncertainty and let kindness be your guide. Until next time, may your relationships be filled with warmth and understanding.

  [00:29:30] Erin H. Davis: Take care.

  [00:29:31] Erin H. Davis: Thank you for listening to today's episode. This information is intended to be helpful and not a substitute for professional counseling. Before you go, kindly leave me a five star review and check out the links in the show notes to see the products that can make your small business dreams happen. Take care and see you next time.

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